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How to Write a Line That Makes the Right Person Stop

After reading this you will be able to write one sentence that holds a buyer who was not shopping, using words you collected from your own customers rather than words you invented.

You have about 8 seconds to make the right person stop, and you cannot use them to talk about yourself. The line has to hold a man who is not looking for you and is currently thinking about a payment due on Friday. A sentence about your product does not survive that. A sentence about his Friday does.

Start with the research, not the writing

The raw material is your customers' actual sentences. Not summaries of what they meant. The sentences, with their grammar left alone.

1
Existing customers. Ask what their life looked like before they found you, and what nearly stopped them buying. The second answer is the more useful one.
2
Lost customers. People who bought once and went elsewhere. Painful call to make. It is the highest value call in this list, because they will tell you the thing your staff will not.
3
Lost leads. People who enquired, took a quotation, and vanished. Ask them plainly what they went with and why. Many will tell you, because you are no longer selling them anything.

When I asked 63 business owners in Ludhiana what they wanted fixed, they wrote "bottleneck for marketing is me," "my business is a one man show," "online marketing did not work at all." Every one of those is a better hook than a copywriter would produce, because the reader recognises himself in the grammar.

Write down their exact words. When a customer of mine said "It is very difficult to get skilled labor, they cannot do enough production, so I am unable to take big export orders," that is not a quote to tidy up. That is the line, already written, by the only person qualified to write it.

How many conversations

Ten to fifteen is enough. The same three complaints will repeat by the eighth call. The repetition is the finding. The complaint that comes up most, in the most similar words, is your line.

Now build the line

Take the most repeated frustration and turn it into one sentence. Three rules decide whether it works.

It carries a number

A number does in half a second what ten adjectives fail to do. "The 3 silent leaks in your packaging line." "5 costly mistakes that ruin most building projects." It makes the promise finite, which makes it believable. Only use a figure you can stand behind.

It names a pain or a result he already feels

Not a pain you would like him to feel. One he woke up with. You are not persuading him he has a problem, you are proving you know about the one he has. Test it like this. Read your line to a customer and watch his face. If he says "yes, exactly," you have it. If he says "interesting," you have written about yourself.

After you have his attention, you do not pitch

The line works, the man is listening, and the instinct is to say "and that is exactly why our machine..." within two sentences. That single move ends it. He came for something useful and got an advertisement.

When you sell, you break rapport. When you teach, you build it. Having earned attention with a real problem, spend it on the problem. Explain how it happens, what it costs, what the good operators do about it. Your product waits. Twenty minutes later he will ask about it himself, which is worth more than any pitch you would have made.

A formula you can use today

How to [the result he wants] without [the thing he hates] even with [the obstacle he thinks disqualifies him]. The result comes from what he wants. The pain comes from what he has tried and hated. The obstacle is the private reason he believes it will not work for him, and naming it stops him disqualifying himself in the first second.

Worked examples, from the exact complaints business owners gave me:

Be more useful than anyone else is willing to be

One line gets attention once. To keep it, be more useful than your competitors are prepared to be. That is easier than it sounds, because most of them are waiting for the enquiry. Usefulness comes in four practical forms and you can produce all four.

1
Industry insight. What you know from doing this daily that he cannot know from doing it once. What is changing in his market, what his own buyers now demand.
2
Tools. A checklist, a costing sheet, a buying guide that includes the questions which make you uncomfortable. A tool gets kept. An advertisement gets thrown away.
3
Real numbers. Your own figures and your customers', with the working shown. Numbers are the fastest way to be believed by an owner who has been sold to for 20 years.
4
A small result given in advance. Do a piece of the work before any money moves. I print a sample on the customer's own product before he has committed to anything. He holds the result in his hand, so nothing I say afterwards has to be taken on trust. Almost nobody does this, because it costs something. That is why it works.

The fastest way to become the name people call

Write a book. Nothing else moves a person from "one of the suppliers" to "the man who knows this subject" as quickly, and it is not about copies sold. A book is a physical object that says you have thought about this problem longer than the man you are competing against, and it can be handed across a desk in a way a brochure cannot.

I wrote "Increase Your Profit by 270% with UV Printing Technology" for exactly this reason. That book closed a sale at 47 lakh on a machine the market prices at 42. Not because it argued for my machine. Because it gave the buyer a reason to trust me before my quotation reached him, so by the time the number arrived, whether I knew this subject was already settled.

If a book sounds impossible

It is your existing knowledge, organised. Ten questions customers ask before every purchase, answered honestly in three pages each. One chapter a week and you have it in three months.

What to do on Monday morning

1
Call 5 existing customers, 3 lost customers and 3 lost leads. Ask what they need, want, fear and hate. Write their exact sentences, bad grammar included.
2
Find the complaint that repeats most. Circle the three sentences that say the same thing in the same way. That is your material.
3
Write 10 lines using the formula. Result, without the pain, even with the obstacle. Ten, not one. The first three will be about your product. Throw those away.
4
Read the best one to a customer on the phone. Watch for "yes, exactly." Keep only the lines that get it.
5
Put it at the top of one useful page, and do not sell on that page. Teach the problem completely. Let him ask the next question.

Of the 63 business owners I surveyed, 89 percent get leads from referrals and word of mouth, 83 percent from repeat customers. That engine works right up until the day it stops, and it stops without warning. The line you write this week is how you reach the people who have never heard your name.

It costs you ten phone calls and an afternoon.

Which of the 5 growth barriers is capping your business?

15 questions, about 4 minutes, and a ranked result that tells you what to fix first.

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